


I Don't Want to Keep You Guessing

by orphan_account



Category: Big Time Rush RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-20
Updated: 2011-01-20
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This thing they have, neither are too sure what to call it just yet, is still quite new, still has them tip-toeing around each other, unsure of what's allowed and what's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to Keep You Guessing

It starts as Kendall being Kendall, tugging at the drawstring of Carlos's hoodie, Carlos grinning wide, perfect white teeth gleaming. There's a few bright flashes of the camera and Carlos is turning his head to the right, his eyes falling shut as he feels Kendall tilting it upward with a carefully placed finger to his jaw. He hears the tell-tale snap of the camera shutter and he opens his eyes, shaking his head in small movements as he remembers where they are and what they're doing.

Kendall offers a sheepish smile in apology and is met with a disappointed glare from Carlos which is quickly schooled into something more uplifting as the camera continues to flash in the distance.

*

This thing they have, neither are too sure what to call it just yet, is still quite new, still has them tip-toeing around each other, unsure of what's allowed and what's not. They still haven't known each other all too long, but Carlos knew the moment Kendall walked in for his audition and secured the role that once belonged to Curt, nothing would ever be the same. The entire dynamic of the group became something more, something stronger, and it was then that he finally allowed himself to believe they actually had a shot at making it big.

That was also the moment he felt himself falling in love with Kendall, which, when he thinks about, is silly. He's never been the type to believe in love at first sight, always thought it was some connection people made based on appearance alone, but he realizes he couldn't have been more wrong. It was everything about Kendall that drew him in, his confidence, the way he carried himself, the soothing sound of his voice, the loud, braying sound of his laugh. It's something he never wants to go without.

*

Though Kendall walked into the audition with his head held high, his nerves were an absolute wreck. All eyes were on him and it was such a nerve-wracking experience, never mind the fact that he had done numerous auditions before. It was the fact that everyone had already been working together for so long, and he felt like such an outsider, unsure of how they would react if he did, in fact, land the role.

Instead of being sent home with some variation of 'we'll call you if we think you're right for this role', Kendall was asked to wait outside while his audition was discussed. He walked out onto the lot, gnawing at his thumbnail nervously as he paced back and forth. Logan joined him moments later, helping to ease his nerves. He and Logan had met briefly awhile back, and while they were barely more than brief acquaintances, it was nice to have a familiar face around.

James and Carlos had bounded out onto the lot awhile later and introduced themselves to Kendall, offering reassurance that he looked like a shoe-in for the role. Kendall was immediately transfixed on Carlos who was bouncing around where he stood, a seemingly endless supply of nervous energy running through him. Kendall found his slight stutter to be endearing, and when Carlos flashed him a smile, he knew he needed that role, needed to see that smile every day of his life.

A short time later, Kendall was called back in and offered the lead role. He accepted it without a second thought, thanking everyone repeatedly before bounding out of the conference room and slamming right into Carlos. Carlos pulled him into a hug, joined seconds later by James and Logan, an abundance of ‘congratulations’ and ‘welcome to show’ chorusing around him.

*

They’re excused for lunch what seems like a thousand photos later and Carlos couldn’t be more thrilled. The flash has left a bright spot seared behind his eyelids every time he blinks, and his vision has gone a little fuzzy, white spots dancing before him everywhere he looks. He drops the hockey stick next to where the others have put theirs, along with the ice skates and duffel bag, and shrugs out of his leather jacket, feeling too hot under the L.A. sun. He closes his eyes and rubs at them roughly in hopes of ridding the headache inducing spots.

“Hey, I’m going to get us some Chinese for lunch. Do you want anything?” Logan appears at his side, tapping away hurriedly on his cell phone.

Carlos opens his eyes slowly, allowing them to once again adjust to the brightness of the sun before he looks around, seeing no sign of James or Kendall. “Um, sweet and sour chicken, and chicken fried rice,” he finally answers, reaching into his back pocket to grab his wallet.

“I got this, it’s cool.”

“Are you sure? I can pay for my own, it’s not a problem.” Carlos’s hand is stilled in his back pocket, wallet resting against his palm. He hates when people pay for his food, or anything really. It always makes him feel slightly guilty and like he needs to make it up to them somehow.

“Yes, Carlos, I’m sure.” Logan’s tone is firm, authoritative. Carlos doesn’t challenge him again, offering a quieted ‘thanks’ instead. “I’m gonna go call and place the order, and James and I are going to pick it up. He’s been complaining all day about wanting to get away from the lot, though I have no idea why, so I’m gonna take him with. Hopefully that’ll stop his whining.”

Carlos knows Logan is lying, but decides not to call him out on it. James actually enjoys being in front of the camera when it’s the four of them, as opposed to the awkward poses they have to do when they’re alone. Though Logan doesn’t know what’s going on between him and Kendall, there was a palpable tension that everyone sensed after the head-tilting incident, and he’s grateful Logan is hauling James away and giving him the time to talk to Kendall.

Only when he goes to look for Kendall, he’s nowhere to be found. There’s a slight tightness in his chest and he does his best to will it away. He really has no idea why he’s so upset; he just. He can’t explain it and there’s a sudden pang of irrational fear seizing his insides.

Trying to turn his mood into something less sullen, he heads to the fountain outside the Paramount Pictures archway where the next portion of their photo shoot will be. He sits on the ledge and slips off his shoes and socks, rolling his pants up to his knees and dipping his feet into the sun-warmed water as he lets his thoughts trail off.

“What are you doing over here?”

The voice startles Carlos and he nearly topples into the fountain. He catches himself at the last minute and allows his heart rate to return to normal before he retracts his feet and swivels around, blinking up in confusion at the person standing before him.

“Did you not get the text I sent you?” Kendall is staring down at him with the same expression of confusion on his face, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

Carlos pats his pockets and finds them empty. “I guess I don’t have my phone on me.”

“I wanted to talk about-.” Kendall is cut off by the annoying ring of his cell phone. He answers it with a huff, telling whoever is on the line where they are. “James and Logan are on their way over here, so I guess we’ll have to talk later.” Kendall drops down next to Carlos, sitting as close as he can and hoping their close proximity won’t draw attention.

Carlos nods in agreement and turns his attention to the gates under the archway, focusing on the pile of hockey gear he can see in the distance. Later. He can handle later. It gives him time to focus his thoughts, to think through everything he wants to say. Though he knows it’s might not be that easy.

*

The tension had dissipated over the remainder of the photo shoot, and the boys found themselves having fun. Between splashing around in the fountain and piling on each other with their clothes clinging to their bodies, it was as though nothing had happened, the earlier incident forgotten for the time being.

Later comes hours and hours later (though it’s not what Carlos is expecting), after the photographers have packed up and left, after they’ve changed out of their wet clothes, and just as the sun is about to set. Carlos is walking to his car with his backpack slung across his shoulder, keys already in hand, when Kendall jogs to catch up to him.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Kendall looks a little nervous as he asks and Carlos can’t help but smile.

Carlos shakes his head as he unlocks his car door, pulling his backpack off his shoulder and tossing it inside.

“I was thinking, pizza and a movie at my place?” Kendall’s rocking on the balls of his feet nervously, his hands stuffed into his back pockets.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’m gonna run home and shower, and I’ll be there in an hour, okay?”

Kendall nods as Carlos slides into the driver’s seat and waits until his seatbelt is buckled before he shuts the car door. Carlos waves at him through the window and he smiles back in return, stepping away from the car as he watches Carlos drive away.

*

By the time Carlos shows up at Kendall’s house, the pizza has been delivered and the movie is already in the DVD player, the music from the menu screen filtering through the den. No one else is home and it makes Carlos wonder if Kendall had shooed them all away for the night, not that he’s complaining about them being alone together.

Kendall ushers him to the leather sofa and disappears for a moment, returning with napkins and two cans of Coke. Silence engulfs them as they eat their way through the pizza and it would be stifling if not for the soft sounds coming from the TV. When they’ve demolished the pizza and cans of Coke, Kendall grabs them and disappears again, no doubt disposing of them. When he returns, he shuts off the light and sits back down on the sofa, finally starting the movie.

Ten minutes through the movie, Carlos notices the amount of distance between the two of them and he can’t help but wonder why they’re so far apart. He swallows nervously and slides closer, watching Kendall out of the corner of his eye. Kendall’s attention is fixated on the movie so Carlos slides even closer, stopping when there’s an inch or two between their bodies.

Kendall makes the tiniest of movements and Carlos tenses up in worry, afraid Kendall might push him away. Instead, Kendall continues moving, turning his body to the side and folding a leg beneath him. His next move has all the air leaving Carlos’s lungs and a slight pink staining his cheeks. He gently pulls Carlos by the arm, maneuvering him in a way that has Carlos nearly sitting in his lap, his chest flush along Carlos’s back. “You’re really not very subtle, Carlos.”

“I wasn’t—I don’t…” Carlos trails off, not quite sure what he’s trying to say.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You know I’m just kidding with you.”

And that’s the thing; Carlos _doesn’t_ always know when Kendall’s ‘just kidding’. That’s how Kendall is; he’s a laidback kind of guy who can go from serious to joking and back in the drop of a hat, and Carlos is often times caught playing catch up.

He lets out a sigh and relaxes against Kendall, finally turning his attention to the movie, only his thoughts stray after a few moments.

“Kendall, what are we?” The moment the words slip out, Carlos wants to take them back. He hadn’t meant to verbalize them, it’s just been a thought bouncing around in his head for a while and he’d kind of like to know the answer.

“Well, I’m Kendall, and you’re Carlos,” comes his response. It’s obviously not what Carlos meant, but he can feel the conversation heading to something serious, something he knows they should’ve talked about a while ago, and he wants to keep the mood as light as possible.

“Forget it,” Carlos whispers in irritation, deciding that this conversation just isn’t happening anytime soon.

“I don’t know, Carlitos,” Kendall says, his voice going serious. “What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t know, I just. I really like you, I know that much.” Carlos musters up the courage and moves from where he’s pressed against Kendall and scoots to the side, turning so he can look at Kendall. “I know it’s corny, but I like being around you. I always want to be around you.”

Kendall locks his eyes on Carlos and watches as they sparkle with truth and emotion. He finds himself leaning in, his eyes moving rapidly between Carlos’s eyes and lips. His fingers trail along Carlos’s jawline, tilting it up the same way he had earlier as he continues closing the distance, his eyes falling shut. He hears the sharp intake of breath from Carlos and he falters for a moment, a fleeting thought of it being a bad idea running through his mind before leaving as quickly as it came. Their lips make the briefest of contact and a million sparks are shooting through him, warming him to his core.

He pulls back and his eyes flicker open, darting around nervously. Carlos is looking at him in wonderment, a bright smile quickly spreading across his face.

“I really love your smile,” Kendall admits, feeling his cheeks heat up. “And uh-I really like you, too.”

Carlos has never seen Kendall look so nervous and seemingly embarrassed, and he decides then that it’s a good look on him. “Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend?”

Kendall closes the distance once more, breathing out a quieted ‘yes’ before pressing their lips together again, his hand sliding from Carlos’s jaw to the back of his neck. It’s a new, better, angle, one that has their lips fitting together like pieces of a puzzle interlocking. It’s sweet and delicate, their lips moving together slowly in a display of everything they feel for each other.

Carlos moves to pull away, but Kendall follows his movements, placing a series of quick pecks to his lips before allowing their lips to part. They rest their foreheads together, breath fanning across each other’s faces.

“What’s everyone gonna say when they find out?” Carlos’s apprehension is back, settling uneasily in his stomach.

Kendall breaks their contact to pull back and look into Carlos’s eyes, hating the traces of fear and worry he sees in them. “Doesn’t matter. They’ll learn to deal with it, but we’ll worry about that when the time comes, okay?”

Carlos nods and feels slightly better at Kendall’s words, though he knows it’s not going to be that easy. But like Kendall said, they’ll worry about that when they have to.

For the time being, Carlos is content to push Kendall back against the sofa and seal their lips together, the long forgotten movie playing in the background.


End file.
